aries: if you see my dad on the highway to hell, kick his a-s-s for me
taurus: with great power comes great need to take a nap. wake me up later.
gemini: catch that last episode of doctor who? oh, right. you were trudging through the pit of eternal damnation!
cancer: so…giants who can throw mountains. friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. evil espresso drinks. gotcha. maybe this isn’t the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter.
leo: i’m the super-sized mcshizzle, man! i’m leo valdez, bad boy supreme. and the ladies love a bad boy.
virgo: fighting shrimpzilla with a dagger and a pretty voice? not so effective.
libra: what horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into hades’ underwear?
scorpio: i will trample you to death, silly chinese canadian baby man
sagittarius: “i’m fine!“ percy yelled out as he ran by, followed by a giant screaming bloody murder.
capricorn: well done, frank zhang. that is exactly how people beat chinese handcuffs. they turn into iguanas.
aquarius: you hit the lord of the titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush?
pisces: behold! the god’s chosen beverage. tremble before the horror of diet coke!