Category: Cancer

The signs as shit my roommate says

Ares: I live in a seven person, rented apartment, with three bedrooms, and two dogs, in the city… I don’t have a fucking juicer.

Taurus: Shit! It IS crusty lime green!

Gemini: He’s gonna watch it on his sixty inch TV and have a party in the tiny ass, one floor Floridian home.

Cancer: Find yourself a nice Talapian boy.

  Leo: The last time I looked at a white person, they dabbed at me.

Virgo: I can’t put down tiddy!

Libra: I’m not fighting, I’m cartwheeling!

Scorpio: Gang signs get you killed… donuts just make you fat.

Sagittarius: I’m poor and nineteen. I can’t get her alcohol, I can’t give her money.

Capricorn: She has lava in her vagina.

Aquarius: When I eat, I chew.

Pisces: You can’t walk through a big puddle without making splashes. -Metaphor of 2016

Source: seaturtle22

When the signs don’t like you.

Aries: Ignores you until you set them off, then your life will be a living hell.

Taurus: Will tell lies about you to their friends/anyone who asks about you.

Gemini: Will start rumors of any kind about you, they’ll say anything as long as they make things harder for you.

Cancer: Will admit they don’t like you but still wants your attention ( Seeks approval/attention from everyone whether they want to admit it or not.)

Leo: Will laugh at you no matter what you do or say. They won’t talk shit that much but the minute they do, in a few days or weeks, you probably won’t be welcome by alot of people.

Virgo: Will do one or all of the three things to your face; Roll their eyes, sigh in annoyance, or will call out your bullshit. (Example: “I could eat alphabet soup and shit out a better argument than what just came out of that hole on your face that you smeared with paint.”

Libra: Will tell you straight up if they don’t like you. Whether aggressive or not, they will prove the point of how dislike you.

Scorpio: Will not acknowledge your existence at all.

Sagittarius: Really won’t care what you do until you drag them into it, then you’ll be in big trouble.

Capricorn: Will make it known by everyone that they don’t like you. They will try and embarrass you all the time.

Aquarius: They won’t waste their time telling you off or anything. When they see you, they immediately walk away.

Pisces: Will make your life hell. They have a lot of friends and those connections could get you into trouble and the hatred of your existence will spread like a wild fire.

Source:  i-am-a-misanthrope

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope p…

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope plus #Astrology ! 

The Signs as Things Said by People I Know Who …


Aries: “His face says hot but his bio says dickhead and his stupid snapback says douchey frat boy so I’d swipe left if I was you.”

Taurus: “This is just like that episode of Grey’s Anatomy!” *explains in detail the plot of an episode that doesn’t have anything to do with the situation*

Gemini:  “Sometimes you have to kick the dude in the balls.  Sometimes you have to make out with his best friend.  Sometimes you just have to sit at home and eat ice cream and watch The Notebook 30 times.  I don’t make the rules.”

Keep reading

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope p…

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope plus #Astrology ! 

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope p…

Cancer – WTF #Zodiac #Signs Daily #Horoscope plus #Astrology ! 

Life as my Zodiac Sign

As a Pisces, life is spent behind the veil of my spiritual inner monologue. I have to surround myself with loving people, for I am able to soak up your positivity/negativity like a sponge. My heart is open like a child, and giving like a saint. Please don’t poison me, it’s all too easy 😇

As an Aries, my beauty is in my rawness. My desires, my scars, my ambitions, my haters, it’s all fuel to help me stand taller, be better, grow stronger. I’d love some company, my friends give me even more energy, but you’ve gotta keep up because I have somewhere to be 💯

As a Taurus, my environment is calm. I am the mighty oak standing through the storm with little wear. I watch out for everyone, but it makes me feel sad inside when no one is checking up on ME in return. When I’m finally motivated, I can work magic. I need good food, family, my home, and a hug 🤗

As a Gemini, I am always ready for the next big thing. I have hundreds of contacts and connections that adore me, a million ideas to share, but no one to have a coffee with. I need connection, good conversation, a form of faith & friendship to keep my doubts at bay 🤝

As a Cancer, my past is held deeply in my heart, and all the sorrows and joys that come with it. My focus is always on personal improvement, and my small circle of loyal loved ones. If I’m not moving forward, my demons drag me back…😈

As a Leo, I was born with the enthusiastic ability to bring others together. Your criticism cuts me like a knife, but that helps me recognize the pain in you. I will not stoop to a lower level to meet you, but I WILL move the Earth, wind and sea for someone I love ☀️

As a Virgo, I have an impeccable eye for detail, improvements, and a hardworking & trustworthy demeanor that helps me make true blue friends, even if I’m a bit shy. I’m easy to love, but I don’t know how to accept it, and certainly won’t ask for it ❤️

As a Libra, my self-worth is dependent on love & support from my friends and partner. If I’m not looking my best, I’m not feeling my best, I don’t want to see you. Please validate me. It’s hard to be alone, or to make decisions because I really don’t care…what do YOU prefer? 🙈

As a Scorpio, I see the darker side of human nature. I see the murders, the terrors, the dangers, the deaths & suicides. I recognize it, I live it, I fear it. You cannot lie to me. My keen intuition warns me, I’ve learned to listen…and fiercely protect my loved ones from everything I’ve had to see ☠️

As a Sagittarius, I’m extremely energetic, friendly and generous with my money, time, and affection. I love making new friends, and to give advice to those I love, though I have a hard time accepting my solutions aren’t for everyone. Only my negativity is allowed, but I always manage to end with a positive twist 😜

As a Capricorn, I hide insecurities by acting like the best…inadvertently warding off others with a pretentious manner. I’m so dependable, it’s expected, yet I’m rarely thanked. You can’t crack my shield…at least you’ll never know how sensitive I really am. (Please appreciate me) 😰

As an Aquarius, I have the ability to see through masks and heal the psychological wounds of others, but not my own. I feel the pain of the world at once. I like being alone, but too much makes me cold. It’s my responsibility to care about everyone…not just you 🌏

Check your sun/moon/rising/etc


Source: alyjojo

The signs as things my AP Psych teacher has sa…

Aries: We all have a momentary and fleeting want to kill a person. Momentary and fleeting being the key words. Most of the time.

Taurus: How am I gonna open the portal guys if I can’t sacrifice 7 kids in a row during the eclipse?! C’mon guys.

Gemini: Animals are just taking a nap in a sunbeam and we’re worrying about our mortality.

Cancer: Aha! Now THEY’RE the desperate nerd and I’m the… stoic hero?

Leo: Who set this completely wackadoo arbitrary rule? Me!

Virgo: You think what I’m doing is passive aggression but its just… coercive suggestion.

Libra: I’m an arbiter of my students’ intelligence and skills.

Scorpio: What if I made you promise not to get mad and then flipped your desk with you in it.

Sagittarius: You can put a leash on bees? I know what I’m doing this summer.

Capricorn: We’re all just fancy monkeys.

Aquarius: You’re probably not going to be concerned about Student of the Month if your bleeding from your eyes.

Pisces: Too frail… too frail.

Source: kaikoanoa

the signs as things i have said

ARIES: i hate it. i don’t even know why, i just…i hate it so much. i want to punch it.

TAURUS: i just arrived home, i mean, i MUST put my pajama on, why the fuck would i wear other clothes at home? that’s crazy.

GEMINI: i hate you. i mean, no, i kinda love you, but i hate you at the same time.

CANCER: …so that’s why i was crying all day but i don’t wanna talk about it anymore so bye.

LEO: i’m not selfish, i just know i’m important.

VIRGO: i hate when people are wrong…like…thinking is not that difficult.

LIBRA: i think i’m kinda indecisive. or maybe i’m not…but i could be…

SCORPIO: what do you mean i’m weird…? i’m just a person who dislike other people, it’s called being an introvert. you’re the weird one here.

SAGITTARIUS: i want to travel. what do you mean where? i just want to travel.

CAPRICORN: i’ve been working on this shit for a week so you better appreciate it.


PISCES: sometimes i wonder…why am i like this?

Source: nicqdiangelo

the signs’ opinions on astrology

Aries: doesn’t know anything about astrology but believes in it because they’re so curious and love finding out new interesting things about themselves

Taurus: probably is crept out by astrology lmao… but still loves it because they love fantasizing. but what they don’t know is that astrology is not mystical or whatever, it’s science. but don’t tell them this because they’ll hate you

Gemini: “i love astrology omg but i feel like all geminis are stereotyped and everyone judges us ewww we’re not evil we’re just misunderstood and that hurts my emotions :(((((((((” *stops talking to you after 2 days, confirming the typical Gemini stereotypes*

Cancer: …probaby obsessed with astrology as well as everything else in their life. does astrology fan-art and has probably written a book about astrology. “ASTROLOGY IS EVERYTHINGGGG OMGGG BUT WE’RE NOT CRYBABIES BITCH I CAN SNAP YOUR NECK IN A HEARTBEAT IF YOU CROSS ME :3 i wuvv anime as wellllll”

a person: “hey how a-”
the leo: I’M A LEO 👑

Virgo: “ I dOnT BeLiEvE ThAt StArS HaVe SoMeThInG To dO WiTh YoUr PerRSONALItY AstROLoGy issSsSS sUcH BULLshiT” – actually a typical Virgo thing to say

Libra: believes in astrology, reads their daily horoscopes, thinks that most characteristics are true but they don’t take it seriously, they take it as a hobby and is chill when other people are bulshitting astrology, as long as they don’t bulshit the Libra’s points of view on astrology.

a person: “hey how a-”
the scorpio: “Okay bitch ScoRpIo Is LitEraLLy THE BEST SIGN EVER LIKE we’re so badass and successful and powerful and hot and we’re the best in bed” *….cries in bed at night after someone says something slightly offensive about anime*

Sagittarius: “I can’t believe that I’m so fast when I do stuff like… I’m also really successful and I get ANYTHING that I want. I’m also the most beautiful one so back off bitches. I guess it’s because I’m a Sagittarius?? Sagittariuses ALWAYS achieve their goals💅” – actually doesn’t believe in astrology, believes only in their sign somehow

Capricorn: “I guess it’s fun.” does not believe in astrology at all tbh, they just like listening to what people say about astrology… enjoys secretly judging everyone about their beliefs afterwards

Aquarius: couldn’t care less about astrology but will let you interpret their natal chart and talk about astrology for hours or even days because they love learning new and weird things. might start believing in astrology after spending some time with a person who believes in it

Pisces: actually probably talks TO the zodiac signs themselves in their sleep lmao. these ppl are so… otherworldly, mysterious and ethereal & you should believe all the weird shit they tell ya bc there’s a 110% chance it’s true

Source: thesignsdaily