Category: zodiology

Regular

Signs as things Ron Swanson has said

Aries: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

Taurus: There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

Gemini: I know what I’m about, son.

Cancer: Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Leo: I regret nothing. The end.

Virgo: I am not usually one for speeches, so goodbye.

Libra: When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.

Scorpio: I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm.

Sagittarius: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Capricorn: There is only one bad word: taxes.

Aquarius: If any of you need anything at all, too bad.

Pisces: I can’t go because I don’t want to.

Regular

Signs as things Ron Swanson has said

Aries: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

Taurus: There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

Gemini: I know what I’m about, son.

Cancer: Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Leo: I regret nothing. The end.

Virgo: I am not usually one for speeches, so goodbye.

Libra: When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.

Scorpio: I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm.

Sagittarius: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Capricorn: There is only one bad word: taxes.

Aquarius: If any of you need anything at all, too bad.

Pisces: I can’t go because I don’t want to.

Regular

How the signs are awkward

Aries: accidentally makes eye contact with you one too many times

Taurus: doing the awkward sidestep thing when you’re trying to pass someone

Gemini: replying to their waitor with “you too” when they say “enjoy your meal”

Cancer: shit talking someone when they’re right there

Leo: will hit on your friend but you guys are actually dating

Virgo: holding the door open for someone who’s way too far away

Libra: accidentally liking their crush’s photo from 4 years ago

Scorpio: telling a joke but no one laughs

Sagittarius: high fiving someone who’s giving you a fist bump

Capricorn: tripping over your own foot in public

Aquarius: laughing at something that wasn’t meant to be funny

Pisces: waving at someone who’s not actually waving at them

Regular

How the signs are awkward

Aries: accidentally makes eye contact with you one too many times

Taurus: doing the awkward sidestep thing when you’re trying to pass someone

Gemini: replying to their waitor with “you too” when they say “enjoy your meal”

Cancer: shit talking someone when they’re right there

Leo: will hit on your friend but you guys are actually dating

Virgo: holding the door open for someone who’s way too far away

Libra: accidentally liking their crush’s photo from 4 years ago

Scorpio: telling a joke but no one laughs

Sagittarius: high fiving someone who’s giving you a fist bump

Capricorn: tripping over your own foot in public

Aquarius: laughing at something that wasn’t meant to be funny

Pisces: waving at someone who’s not actually waving at them

Regular

Signs as best friends

Aries: the one who will set you up on dates, tells everyone how amazing you are, wants you to workout with them and get hot together, dislikes anyone you dislike

Taurus: the sweet one who’s the first to give you a hug when you’re down, will cuddle with you at all possible times, the one to dance without a care with at a party

Gemini: the lowkey badass bitch who will cuss out anyone who harms you, is really talented but is really modest about it, will tell you when your outfit looks bad, cares a lot about you but doesn’t always show it

Cancer: the one who is calm with everyone but their friend group, especially around you, annoys you but you love them anyway, tells you their life problems because they trust you

Leo: the friend who will show up at your door at midnight to give you food, always tells you that you look hot, will send you bad memes and video call you at 2 am

Virgo: the baby of the friend group, the one who makes innocent funny jokes, wants you to come with them to everything, admires you but you admire them more

Libra: the one who helps you settle your issues, wants to know the gossip just so they can have their say on it, will probably do makeup on you and make you leave looking 10x hotter

Scorpio: the one who will tell you all their sexual encounters, tells really weird dark jokes, when they hug you seems like they lowkey want to choke you

Sagittarius: the one who will do the strangest things with you, takes you on spontaneous trips, gives great life advice, is super sarcastic with you

Capricorn: the one who makes memes with you, will help you study for exams, is probably hella awkward but less around you, will probably just cuddle and watch movies with you

Aquarius: the one who will sing loudly even they’re bad around you, can always get you to laugh when you’re tying to be serious, is always super excited for you and your achievements

Pisces: the artistic friend who can paint a sunset on your back but instead paints a meme, takes a lot of photos of you just livin’, will see the beauty in you that you don’t

Regular

Signs as best friends

Aries: the one who will set you up on dates, tells everyone how amazing you are, wants you to workout with them and get hot together, dislikes anyone you dislike

Taurus: the sweet one who’s the first to give you a hug when you’re down, will cuddle with you at all possible times, the one to dance without a care with at a party

Gemini: the lowkey badass bitch who will cuss out anyone who harms you, is really talented but is really modest about it, will tell you when your outfit looks bad, cares a lot about you but doesn’t always show it

Cancer: the one who is calm with everyone but their friend group, especially around you, annoys you but you love them anyway, tells you their life problems because they trust you

Leo: the friend who will show up at your door at midnight to give you food, always tells you that you look hot, will send you bad memes and video call you at 2 am

Virgo: the baby of the friend group, the one who makes innocent funny jokes, wants you to come with them to everything, admires you but you admire them more

Libra: the one who helps you settle your issues, wants to know the gossip just so they can have their say on it, will probably do makeup on you and make you leave looking 10x hotter

Scorpio: the one who will tell you all their sexual encounters, tells really weird dark jokes, when they hug you seems like they lowkey want to choke you

Sagittarius: the one who will do the strangest things with you, takes you on spontaneous trips, gives great life advice, is super sarcastic with you

Capricorn: the one who makes memes with you, will help you study for exams, is probably hella awkward but less around you, will probably just cuddle and watch movies with you

Aquarius: the one who will sing loudly even they’re bad around you, can always get you to laugh when you’re tying to be serious, is always super excited for you and your achievements

Pisces: the artistic friend who can paint a sunset on your back but instead paints a meme, takes a lot of photos of you just livin’, will see the beauty in you that you don’t

Signs as Misha gifs

Aries: 

Taurus:

Gemini: 

Cancer:

Leo: 

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

Regular

Signs as things Dean Winchester has said

Aries: “You hold him down while we knife him, and then we’ll all go out for ice cream and strippers.”

Taurus: “Seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?”

Gemini: “Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole.”

Cancer: “Cass, get out of my ass!”

Leo: “Dude, on my car, he showed up naked, covered in bees.”

Virgo: “Misha? Jensen? What’s up with the names around here?“

Libra: "Karma’s a bitch, bitch.”

Scorpio: “I have been re-hymenated.”

Sagittarius: “Well that’s great, because without your power, you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.”

Capricorn: “I’m not wearing any makeup. Oh crap. I’m a painted whore.”

Aquarius: “Vampirates.”

Pisces: “Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No-talent douche bags. I hate this game. I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show. And you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There’s like 300 of them on television, they’re all the freaking same.”

Regular

Signs as things people have replied to my posts with

Aries: These are starting to piss me off.

Taurus: MEMEMEMEMEMEMMEEMMEMEME

Gemini: Astrology usually annoys the shit out of me, but you know what- on point, here.

Cancer: How could u, why would u say that

Leo: I’m a boob girl so I’ll definitely be checking out your rack 😍

Virgo: You get me! I don’t wanna admit it, but yeah…

Libra: Most are deep but Gemini’s sounds like a sorority girl named Karyn quote before she dumps her friends and goes out to LA to live with a cool mom named Barbra who has like 50 units of Botox in her face and is trying to fit in with eighteen year olds, but it’s fine cause she’s cool and lets underage sorority girls get white girl wasted in her basement (that’s why Karyn is going there).

Scorpio: Scorpio, what sanity?

Sagittarius: As a sag, I can say that admiring your butt is a must in any relationship for me.

Capricorn: Hummis is gross BUH BOO

Aquarius: YES BITCH I GET THE ASSBUTT QUOTE

Pisces: my puns are great tho

Regular

Top or bottom?

Top: Gemini, Sagittarius, Leo, Aries

Bottom: Cancer, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo

Both: Aquarius, Capricorn, Libra, Scorpio